it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
