Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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