new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
