I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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