Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
