remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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