did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
