my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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