you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
