You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
