Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
