if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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