just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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