Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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