Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
