Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Screwed.edu
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
