Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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