My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
