im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
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