nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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