you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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