A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
