areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
