The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
