Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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