I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
