I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
