wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i just made my gag reflex go away.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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