yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
