I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
