I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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