Nicole vs. Life
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
