Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
