like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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