Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
