we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
