I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
