he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
