nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I'm having to shit out rocks
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
