she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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