I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I met the friendliest cop last night
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
