i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
