Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
