proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Randomize
