Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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