just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
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I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
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They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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