I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
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He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
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He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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