My hair reeks of homosexuality.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
