My underwear smells like fireworks.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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