What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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