Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
as a side note pls kill me
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
