we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
