I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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