tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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