Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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