I love black thongs
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
