i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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