Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
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