dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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