your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
