Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
