i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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