office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
