You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
